As it melts down ...

Thoughts drifts through, like a breeze, with out warning, sometimes prickling the barren eyes with a sudden gush of tears. To restrain from dropping a precious droplet with out knowing the reason, rewinding the thoughts may not find a new reason, because most of the times the inner self works with out a reason. Crying out loud in loneliness, the thin air around dissolves with out empathizing, and looks back with solemn eyes.

Probably because it was injected in the veins from childhood, tears reflected weakness, and the never wanted to fail man, tried in vain to hold it. Staring at the endless horizon, the eyelids strained not to blink, to save the water filled eyes from draining out. As if to console, the flowing tears makes a last attempt with its saline taste, oozing in to the taste buds. The congested trachea makes it all the more difficult to the already tired willpower to rejuvenate.

The hollowness within, desperately makes effort to fill the void with a little hope, failing in each moment. The inferno inside incinerate all such attempts, leaving just ashes behind, which would act as reminiscence in future episodes.

Even the ability to survive those moments are not rewarding, as the resurrection is temporary, and it continuous in a vicious circle. It might even be a purposeful decision, not to put out the flame, since even the insecurity of loosing the thought is dreadful.

When, even the time stops and takes a curious look at those emptiness, endless would seem, the yet to come very next minute, not to mention the rest of the day. Freedom from the sequestration of ones own thoughts, is just a matter of time, if only time moves. Escaping from an island with deep sea on all sides, could just be another miracle. The black hole of thoughts do not allow even the tiniest of hope to escape, leaving you alone in a world of darkness. Ray of hope which makes a desperate effort to break the shackles, traveling all the way up, would be deflected and suppressed under crippled attitude.

Even when you live decades of grueling insomnia, surviving the very next moment would seem impossible. Ninety pounds, when once lifted with easiness, little did I realize it is not the muscles but the mind that made it possible, at times could make you feel even nine pounds is heavier than the ninety.

Even though when I know all these, next time my vision blurs again as tears drown my eyes as the wind drifts by.

sixty seconds

The day could not have been more usual than that, probably because, behind the scenes the most eventful moment of the day was in the forming stage that the day kept its normalcy to make the most out of that.

The red stop light ahead was like giving a chance to do an afterthought to the snarling journey, and since got used to such situations it was just another wavering mind which looked around with out any particular reason.The curious looking eyes on my left caught my aimlessly wandering eyes for a moment, the thought of looking back again never came to my mind until I realize the fact after some time, in fact we created a bonding between each other in a couple of seconds.

Reasons when fail to bring togetherness, unknown the reason why there existed an air of comfort in the humid heat. Regardless of the fact that, sooner than later the inevitable parting that awaited in the form of green light counting seconds, prominent was the effort from either side to sustain the momentariness.

In the flowing river, little are the chances that we get to know the right person beside us, and lucky are those who realize and grab those chances. Just when you know that you are in the right path, turbulence inherent with in pops up playing its part too well questioning the very instinct.

The tender hands waved at me in talking to convey the little wonders that she has seen so far; pretending to understand the language, I responded back with earnestness not to disappoint the excitement she has shown to the friend she has just made a minute back. Restrained in the baby seat when those tender hands reached outside and told me to look up, even though I knew, I made my earnest effort to look up and wish to see a wonder that I have not ever seen in my journey so far.

Tied with the social stigma the effort to make the conversation better almost failed miserably from my part even though I wonder if the little consciousness could understand that. With out a blink I listened to the message the fluttering eye lashes tried to convey.

Moments exciting or depressing would pass with out waiting, I wonder how she learned this with the little experience she had so far, she knew that the friendship with a total stranger on the car beside, in a stop light would not last forever, we would not see each other ever, even if we see each other we would not recognize.

When those little hands hurriedly waved at me saying good bye, I saw a concern in those angelic eyes, I waved back with the same concern, and a failed attempt to make a smile, her image blurred in front of my eyes.

Just like life takes sharp turns leaving no trails, she was driven down the turn and disappeared, but not from me, I knew I would remember those sixty seconds with every beat in my heart.

snippets of instances...

Little things in life is all we have to note down, when done becomes greater things in life. Remembering all those tiny little snippets of instances and transforming it to words and then meaningful sentences which reflects the emotions of those instances is a process which nobody would be able to do it in a conscious way, or rather thoughtful way. Great thinkers have seen this world in a way that ordinary man had never seen and had written about the nuances of all those instances which matters and tried to convey to the ordinary man to beware of the pitfalls ahead. But, even though the naive which covers the majority of the population reads and says they understand all those things, never understood or will understand the way reality strikes. Impossible it is to tell what matters and what not, because the world is in such a disorder that the one that matters to someone does not matter to another one. So to draw a general conclusion from ones life is not possible and one who does that is making a big mistake in his own life. Each one has a genuine unique life which needs to be lived in their own way, not copying from others. May be guidelines can be accepted from others who are great but there is a disclaimer in every ones life as copying as it is is dangerous. Because each one has to respond to their life depending on the then situation that surrounds that individual.But sometimes it would difficult to determine the right and wrong in life, which would need help from others. The manipulation that happens then is not guaranteed to be a reliable one and there is always a risk involved, still depending up on the better choice one moves forward.

Sometimes.......

Possibilities are immense, as ones mind cannot be read and the probability concept derives more options than a human being can comprehend. So I had a thought that I got to be prepared to the inevitability what ever it is. It could be anything under this universe and nobody would be able to tell me what is going to happen in this condition. May be playing with me as always; that is a mind game with nobody understanding what is it about or what the outcome should be or why it is being played the way it is played. But once you are into that game there is little you can do; think out of the box and come out of it. You would be sucked deep into the dungeon of darkness even the conscious mind would be blinded. At that point to make a conscious decision is like escaping from a slump. The more you try hard to escape the more you would be sucked and the killing is amazingly slow that you would think from your heart that you had never born. The roller coaster ride of thoughts that goes in your mind bring little twinkle at times like stars in the sky, but sooner to realize that the darkest of darkness is yet to fall. As my eyes flicker with hope in those instances my hope climbs to reach the stars in the sky, only to realize that the next time I fall I might need a bigger boost to rise. I did not ever learn from my experiences, next time again I followed the same lead hoping it as a different one, only to realize it was the same one disguised in my hope.